Mother Theresa once said, “No one thinks of the pencil when reading a letter. They think of the heart of the letter-writer. That’s what I want to be – a little pencil in God’s hand.” (paraphrased because I can’t find the precise quote)
So what happens when the spiritual gifts we have been given become our validation in life? If our validation comes from the idea that we are an apostle, a prophet, a teacher, a helper rather than the fact that we are and that we are a child of the Most High, are we then a pencil, a tool in the hand of God…or are we exercising our gifts in an effort to “play God” so that we will be recognized as one who has been greatly gifted by God?
Recognition is wonderful and it is important to us as human beings. For instance, if I make a good meal that tastes really good and I have spent all day cooking that meal, a little recognition/validation, while not necessary, is nice. It is not necessary that I receive validation for cooking the meal because what I have done, I have done for the joy of doing it and for the joy of being a blessing to someone else, but it does make me feel good when someone says, “wow, that was a great dinner! Thank you!”
Living a life of faith, to me, also means that I do not point out to others every single meal that I have ever cooked and gotten accolades for. Nor does it mean, to me, that I should cook those meals specifically to be told how gifted a cook I am. I was reading last night something that pulled me up (because I have been on a bit of a selfishness kick for the past week or so):
Therefore I deemed it necessary to exhort the brethren that they should go before you and make ready your liberal gift which was previously promised, that this might be ready beforehand, thus as a matter of generosity and not as a gift which a covetous spirit would withhold but gives grudgingly under pressure. But [although I am not pressing you to give] this [is true] – he who sows sparingly shall also reap sparingly, and he who sows in a beneficent, generous spirit, with a view to the blessing of the recipient, shall also reap blessings given in a beneficent, generous manner. Let each one give according as he has purposed in his heart, not out of an annoyed and troubled heart, nor because of necessity, for God loves a cheerful, ready giver. Moreover, God is powerful to make every grace superabound to you in order that, having always an all-sufficiency in all things, you may superabound to every good work, even as it stands written, He [the liberal person] scattered abroad, he gave to those who are poor, his righteousness abides forever. (My note – the term “liberal” here is not a political term, but a term which refers to generosity of spirit in giving.) [2 Cor 9, Wuest]
He who gives in a generous spirit, with his eye towards the blessing of the recipient. What this says to me is that, when I give – whether it be money, time, hospitality, you name it – it is God’s will that I do so generously, looking not at how I will be blessed, but looking at how the other person will be blessed. There is another verse, also in the New Testament, where Jesus says something along the lines of ‘when you give, let your giving be done in secret…do not let the right hand know what the left hand is doing.’ (paraphrased). This means that when I give, I do so without shouting my good deed from the rooftops. It means that, no matter how many wonderful dinners I have cooked, I do not keep a running tally and remind everyone that I have ever cooked for how many times I have cooked for them and what I served them.
When my eye is towards the blessing of the recipient, it is hard to be selfish; it is hard to be anything more than a pencil in God’s hand. When, however, my eye is towards my own gain – whether that be in praise, validation, to lift myself in the esteem of others or of God – then I am not being a pencil, I am trying to write the letter.
When I am a pencil, the spotlight is off me and it is on God – people reading the letter (my actions) look towards God, understanding that it is He and not I who is giving. When I try to be more than a little pencil through which the mercy, grace, and love of God are expressed, I create a dependence on me (rather than on God). And that, to my mind, is taking the place of God in the life of another. We all know what happened to the last guy who tried to usurp God’s place, so I think I’ll continue striving to be a little pencil.
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